I hope I don’t sound like a patronising cowbag, I could only ever feel my own pain, I can only empathise with other peoples but I thought I’d share this with you anyhow because I’d once got to a point in my life where I would have tried anything to make those nightmares go away and this was the only thing that ever really worked.
I can’t say to what severity anyone can be afflicted with this disorder but I do know what it is like to be constantly bombarded by images that we would rather not have to live with.
If you imagine for a second your brain is a DVD player and your stuck with a horror movie in your head that is unbearable but you can’t press stop or even pause. You can’t fill it with a blank space because traces of the old film that were playing are going to be left. Your stuck with a seriously painful problem. You don’t have to be. This can take some serious time and it will also take effort but you can re write that DVD that’s playing in your mind. You have to take back control of your own imagination. It’s not easy at first but you have to practise. So you have a pretty horrific memory with a lot of heartbreakingly horrific emotions attached. But somewhere, deep down in your brain you have some pretty special memories that made you feel good or a special place where you felt loved, safe and warm.
If you can find that place and use your imagination with every ounce of capacity you have to recall every single detail then you have the ability at your disposal to re write that DVD horror movie in your head.
It won’t happen overnight and yes, the scars will always remain but you can with enough conscious mental effort learn to deal with it.
Here is the very best instructions anyone has ever given me for when you need to take the reign’s of your own mind back.
Write a list of five and if you can push it to ten, even better of the very best, happiest, proudest, elevating moments in your life. It can be about anything. Passing a test you never thought you’d get through as a kid and how proud you were of yourself? Passing your driving test and how elated you felt? Anything that floats your boat that you achieved or made you happy.
Then write another list of the things in your life that you know your capable of achieving that would make you feel good. Now this is a really important part because it is a scientifically proven fact that without hope’s and dreams no matter what age you are or what you’ve been through as human beings without those hope’s and dreams we start shutting down and then we give up and die. (look it up, I’m sure it’ll be out there somewhere)
So now, when your stuck in the bowels of hell itself and that DVD is on repeat again you have some very important tools at your disposal to help rebalance your emotions and put a movie on you want to watch instead.
Your imagination is connected to your emotions and well being and with practise you can use it as a tool to make a much better life for yourself.
Only you can take the reigns back of your own mind.
When I eventually realised this I was astonished. I was even more astonished when I learnt how to visually connect with my imagination, good memories and emotions in a positive and constructive way and how it made me feel.
I was told to get that list out first thing on a morning and last thing at night and practise these mental exercises of remembering in vivid details with emotions attached the good memories then projecting those good positive emotions into the things I would like to achieve and the future I wanted to build for myself and my sons.
I can honestly say that learning how to re write my own horror movie were the instructions that saved what was left of my life.
After all, with the exception of fate, we are all the authors of our own destiny.
I do know that overwhelmingly helpless feeling of thinking you’ll never see the sunshine again – I hope you didn’t mind me sharing this with you. It may seem like a long shot, but sometimes anything is worth a try and this really did work for me.