A blog called denial

The rest of the world may have long since forgotten how the British Empire tried to bring China to it’s knees by destroying the country from inside out with our infamous opium wars but aren’t there valuable lessons to be learned? We know why our troops are in Afghanistan and we know lost young girls sell their bodies in this country to dirty old men while young boys burgle houses and rob your gran in the vicious circle of giving their ill gotton gains to the nearest heroin dealer – it funds the same war machine that sent our troops to protect the opium crops the Taliban wanted to destroy. While our education system is either dumbing down or being told to dish up patriotic bullshit and the floodgates of mass immigration have been opened the least informed of us tend to lay the blame on the very weakest and probably most oppressed in our society (just google illegal gang masters in the UK that promote slavery by any other definition) the weakest being the easiest targets to blame for our ruin as the denial of the real truth is much more palatable than having to acknowledge we may have been sold down the river by our own.

Denial is such a vicious thing. It makes you choose sides when your backed into a corner and sometimes being human we get it wrong but my God don’t we pay the price? My mother chose denial many years ago when she was backed into a corner, it must have felt like a safer place than to acknowledge the truth. My grandfather was a paedophile and her only way of being able to cope with it was to deny the fact that he subjected her to the most heinous of act’s, she denied it even to herself. They say the children suffer for the sin’s of their parents – it’s true. In her denial she allowed the man to baby sit all of her children and all of her children paid for the truth. Oh denial has a price. I used to tell myself that I’m no more than a miniscule grain of sand on the vast beach of life with no power to influence a damn thing. It made me feel safe and secure to be so unnoticed, so unimportant in the grand scheme of things. Then someone questioned that belief by telling me that just like you I’m a unique individual that did matter and that I didn’t just have a right but a duty to be the best I could be and that my voice was just as important as anyone else’s. This was a serious challenge to my belief system and I knew that to choose one I would have to deny the other.

I paid too for my mothers denial and I see whole nations being set up against one another whilst our own is being slowly eroded from the inside out and I don’t want to live in denial anymore because I know it’s my own children that could pay the price for my refusal to accept the truth.

China’s the latest enemy of our propaganda machine yet it feels like we are being set up to war with one another the way Rome would throw Christians to the lions, for the entertainment value of a sick, perverted ruling elite. Aren’t our boys being sent to war’s because they are sold the line that there is no future prospects here at home while the dealers keep on dealing?

The hardest truth of all for me was realising it’s all just “jobs for the boys” while our bravest and best are the ones we usually end up burying. It seems all we have left to oil the machine are those who live in fear of it. They know it’s wrong but while MI5 holds past dirty deeds on the men in power the threat of exposure and being wiped out by their own criminality is enough to keep this monster that’s been created ticking over.

Would irony be when the Olympics comes to Britain we line the streets to protest about how we have allowed our own top brass to manipulate our boys into Iraq and Afghanistan while our own country also goes to hell in a hand basket? Or will we all stay home in a deafening silence of hypocrisy as we individually rot away in our own inertia?

Denial was the thread I may have lost. It’s so much more comfortable to wrap ourselves up in the security blanket of denial. To convince ourselves it’s just about any other countries fault on the planet but our own or the fault of the people who seek refuge from the bullets and bombs we happily sold? Some clever dick was calling for sanctions against China the other day, supposing China were to sanction us? We really would be at the mercy of suffocating on our own shit. It might be a good time to be a tiny insignificant grain of sand on the vast beach of life right now but the sad fact is if we don’t wake up and acknowledge that our biggest threat is much closer to home, we will all, including our children pay the price for the comfort and convenience of our own denial of the truth.

In September 2001 just days after the 9/11 terrorist atrocities my explosives expert stepfather arrived home from his “holiday” in Gibraltar accompanied by my mother. She had taken ill for the first week they had arrived there so he was left to wander the British military base alone to call on his old friends. That was what I was told. When I expressed my sheer dismay and horror at what I had witnessed unfolding live on the news and the concern’s I had for their safety especially being at a military base I shall never forget my stepfathers reply as long as I live, it was also the very first time I had to ask them both to leave my home. I could not deny the disgust for the lack of human compassion I had heard yet still I made the excuse that he was just a twisted, bigoted old man and my mother had had such an appalling life it had turned her heart to stone. I can’t repeat what he said as it was no more than the sour words of a bitter old man, but I will never forget them. I was still blind to the implications of what was going on around me, to spite everything I’d been through, the special treatment of a psyop team to imply I was unstable, the years and years of being targeted in far to many ways to mention here, yet still I could not for one second believe that the very people I was meant to be able to trust would have put me through hell no more than I would have believed that he and his top brass friends could be in anyway connected to helping orchestrate a war to keep the drugs trade afloat and this sickeningly evil murderous world of drugs and treason afloat. I’m sorry I was blind to the truth but from the moment I realised it I have refused to deny it.

You can verify one way or another whether I’ve got ample reason to air such grievous doubts.

You can trace my IP address if you like, and you can read my other blogs to verify that this man has had ample time to challenge me for slander, you can look at a picture of him on parade with his regiment, you can ask his regiment whether he exists, you can call my local police force and verify what his eldest son does for a living and yes I do know who’s been laundering those ill gotton gains for him. You can send the boys round to have a cup of tea and a slice of cake if you like, they already have my address or you can send them to finish me off.

I’m sat here amidst a cowardly murderous empire of filth that was built on lies and all I have left to defend me is the truth, albeit a very small fragment of a vast jigsaw – I will refuse till my dieing breath to deny that truth.

On the very last occasion I spoke to my stepfather I challenged him over a number of things and my last words to him as he departed were “if you kill off everyone in this world that you disapprove off you are going to end up one very sad and lonely old man.” I saw him from a distance a while ago and that is exactly what I saw, one sad and lonely old man. Now we both have to live looking over our shoulder and he has been committed to the same sentence he once inflicted on me.

Before the penny dropped in the old day’s of my brainwashed ignorance and isolation and long before I had a computer he used to go on about how he always had great difficulty sleeping. Well it took me far too long but I think I’ve finally worked out why –

And to what’s left of humanity, for when I got it wrong I’m sincerely sorry and I always always will be, but many thanks for letting me share my grievances, doubt’s and fears with you.

Yours sincerely still waiting for that knock on my door or her majesties crown prosecution service to drag me through the court’s, at the end of the day you still can’t defend the indefensible.


This entry was posted in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s